Do you smell that? Is something burning??

Cancel the firetruck... it's just the fire under my ass you're smelling.

Busy is how I've always preferred to stay {remember?  I'm a total suck-ass chillaxer according to my sis}, but 'busy' has felt a lot more like useless puttering rather than productiveness for, well, much of this year.  The only thing that I despise more than feeling like I did nothing all day is feeling like I was busy all day with not much to show for it.  YUCK... makes me squirm just thinking about it.

{Gonna have to go to a dark place for a second ~ but just a second ~ so bear with me...}

The week following our return from Canada, I kept thinking about this video that we had found at Dale's.  It was a video of him recording his friend running a marathon.  Now, if you're like most people, you'd prefer to stay behind the camera glad that your moves aren't be recorded and hoping that you remember to keep quiet instead of having to listen awkwardly to your video-voice later.  Well, Dale wasn't 'most people'.  Dale was as outgoing as one could be.  So, when he wasn't cheering on his friend or other runners he was entertaining us ~ his 'audience'.  There were countless times when he turned the camera on himself, chatting up the lens a bit. And when he wasn't flashing his mug he was telling us a story.  He said something that has really stuck with me.  He said, 'I'm gonna do it.  Everyone's so positive here.  Love the energy.  I'm gonna run one of these marathons.'  Silence came over us as we all listened to him saying those words on the video, knowing that he'd never get the chance.

{What?  Not everyone runs overnight while sporting ponchos?  No?
Super fun 203-mile relay race with friends.
If you've ever thought of picking up running... DO IT!
The races really are SO much fun!} 

That first week home, we were having a chat when I shared with Jason how much I was looking forward to the moment when the grief turned into a wake-up call... providing this sense of 'life is WAY too short not to make the most of, well, every moment'.  Realizing that said 'moment' was probably a long time off due to the still very active grieving, it was more of just a far-off dream at that point... or so I thought.

A few days later, Jason left for a business trip to South Korea and Tampa Bear and I stayed behind to hold down the fort.  As we waited for the boredom to set in, we decided {yes, Tampa is included in most decisions around here :)} to... what else?... do a little puttering!  

Dishes... Check.

Sweep... Check.

Laundry... Check.

Run errands... Check.

Research... Check.

Sweep again... Check.

And again {damn dog hair}... Check!

But.... much to my surprise... the puttering didn't stop there.  Actually, it quickly {and I mean at the speed of light} turned into super, uber, crazy overproductiveness!  I say 'over'productiveness because, well, no one should stay up until 3 o'clock every night... err.. morning?... especially when we're not twenty-five anymore. It just seems to add to the skin melting off of my face ;) SO, uber-productive I was...

Learn to sew  Sew my ass off... Check!

Look into  Research like a crazy lady for an upcoming business venture... Check!

Think about  Research another business idea... Check!

Research a trip  PLAN three trips for next year so Jason can choose his fave... Check!!!

Start writing my blog again... Uhhh, Houston, we have a problemo.

{Probably NOT staying here next year.  But if YOU'RE interested in shelling out the dough
for an international vacay, yet staying close...
consider the Amangiri resort in Utah.  Isn't is AMAZING?!
Photo from the Aman Resorts website}

Just GORG, isn't it?!  Anyhoo, back to the problemo.  There were two things that week which I really needed to do but had decided to wait until the weekend. The first one was some research/PR work and the second was writing another blog post.  I had decided that I would spend that Sunday at ~ where else ~ Starbucks! writing my first post since Dale's passing and then doing the PR work.

3.5 hours later....

Nothing.  Not one word.  I just couldn't do it.  Every time I tried I began to cry.  {Yep, I was THAT girl in Starbucks.  Oh well, at least it wasn't my favorite Starbucks.}  What was going on?  Why couldn't I update my blog??  I had been SO damn productive all week.  After 3.5 of wasted time spent looking up news articles hoping for some updates {which was pointless, since the detectives promised that we will always be contacted prior to releasing any updates to the press}, watching news station videos and playing a beautiful yet equally sad video that our super-amazing friends made for us while we were in Canada... I left.  And felt completely knocked down from my high of the uber-productive week.  What a waste of a day.  Or was it?

It was then that I realized the real reason behind my previous badass week.  I had seen the light... wait, I hadn't?... Nooooo... It was all an attempt to stay SO busy that I didn't have the time to think... to feel. 

Crap.

One of the 759 things that I did when Jason was in South Korea that week was making a visit to my trusted shrink, Dr. B.  If you're new to this crazy blog, yes, I have a head doc that I make a visit to every once in a while and there is no shame here.  For anyone who may be judging I can give you his number if you'd like... you know, just to work a little on those judgemental thoughts ;)  Where was I.... oh yeah... my visit.  So, I wanted to get some advice on how to best be there for my sweet Jason, knowing that there would be many more difficult times to come.  One thing that Dr. B said to me was that many people still think that you have to talk about your grief via support groups, etc to go through it 'correctly'.  Untrue.  Post 9/11 they did a lot of research on the subject and found that people did not need to discuss their feelings of grief in order to grieve 'properly'.  The important thing is that people allow themselves to {and are allowed to} go through whatever they are feeling at the moment.  So, if you feel like doing nothing and laying on the couch all damn day {most likely processing some form of thoughts or sadness}, then DO IT.  To the extent that you can without it affecting your job or the like.  Fortunately, Jason and I verbally share a lot of what is going on emotionally. But it helps that we were both there and therefore understand... i.e., no explanation needed for the why's behind the feelings.

So, armed with advice on how to help Jas, the realization soon came that I needed to just chill the heck out. Lay on the couch all day?  Not so much.  Talk about the one thing guaranteed to throw this chick into a depression!  But, in general, slow down a bit and just know that this phase shall pass.  So my feeling-distracting tasks soon turned into feeling-welcoming efforts.  And it has been the best self-therapy EVER.  And surprisingly, very productive.  Just a more calm, less distracted, and more heart-felt productiveness.

You see, our conscience always knows when we're on the wrong path.  Maybe we just need to learn how to listen ~ to really hear ~ what it's trying to tell us.  I wasn't trying to trick my inner self.  I apparently just hadn't become great at hearing what it was saying.  But, let's be honest, something was going on... something was wrong.  You don't get home from three weeks of travel, filled with constant sorrow and no sleep, and then WHAM! hit the ground running faster than Marion Jones on 'roids.  Why do we do that anyway?  Ignore that super-smart voice that is just trying to protect us ~ to warn us ~ that something's wrong?  Shit, we pray to have great friends like that!  Someone to tell us what we should do, which direction we should take... and yet, our own inner compasses are constantly pointing us in the right, safe and loving direction.  So why do we keep turning the volume down on ourselves?

Afraid of slowing down long enough to listen?  Afraid of what it will say?  Afraid that it will shatter the   'perfect life' which we have created in our heads?  Afraid that it will shine a bright light on some very dark, ugly areas?  Afraid of the impending changes if we decide to listen to it, to ourselves?

Yep.  I've been afraid of all of those things too.  

Some of them were years ago.  I shined that light and BAM! those creepy dark corners got a good cleaning and a much MUCH more amazing life followed.  But this time it was a fear of the emotions that I just didn't have time for right now.  Or so I thought.

{Although shining that light in those dark and scary places resulted in much sorrow and some very tough times...
it also led me exactly where I'm meant to me... to MY happy place and also
in the arms of the man that I love more than I can even express.}

That's the funny thing about our compasses, we can keep turning around trying to fool it but the damn smart thing will always know what we are facing and which direction we should be headed.  So, while I was determined to make mine believe that I was headed north to a much happier and productive place... it was demanding a different direction.  Luckily for me, I hadn't gotten too far and destination south seemed to be only a short distance away.  Once I u-turned I got there in no time at all.  Just needed to be honest about the level of sadness within myself, the fear that I had for my Jason, the uneasiness that I felt upon realizing how drastic life can change for any of us, how we are far from invincible, that very bad things can happen to very good people.  

It's amazing what happens once we stop long enough to face the voice, listen to it and 'discuss' those feelings with ourselves.  The time spent doing that is SO much less than all of the time we wasted trying to ignore it.  

Within a week of opening my ears to my inner voice I was beginning to get back on track, but this time, I had a much kinder trainer.  This time around, I'm getting to allowing myself to enjoy my hobbies because I love them and not because 'I can't waste another hobby, another talent, another day of my life!'  I'm choosing to use my hands more because I enjoy creating things and not because 'I can't waste time not using them because I'll regret all of the time that I wasted and things I did not make if ever I cannot use them!'  And I'm considering new business opportunities based on my true self and my real desires.  

So, lately has been a lot more about feeling through those thoughts and enjoying {most} every minute of this awesome life.  And, much to my surprise, has been even more productive.  Because, well, there isn't this inner struggle distracting my thoughts and actions.  SO....

Yoga class  Lots of yoga love... Yes please!

Be a domestic goddess Have FUN and break out a few new recipes... Yeah yeah!

Sew something cool  Sew something... and realize how much I freaking LOVE to do it... Yep!
Update blog because I needed to was ready to... and on Dale's birthday... Yay!!!

Consider  Reconsider over and over and think some more about future biz with no hurry... Definitely!

Donate  Encourage others to help in the donation efforts... More donations = More helped... Awesome!!!

{Yoga with my sisters when they came to visit during the Surprise Sister Weekend!}

I guess that my wish is finally coming true.  Once I stopped forcing it ~ the desire to live every day to the fullest ~ it just started happening, slowly, naturally, on it's own.

Muchos thank you's for reading!

Chat again soon ~

Joanna {A girl who's patiently trying to figure out her inner hero}

Dedicated to You Dale... Happy Birthday.

How will I ever write this post?  Especially when the above words brought tears to my eyes.

I guess that the heart will lead the way for the fingers.  For Dale.  In his memory and in his honor.  Knowing that he probably wants nothing more on his birthday than for everyone to go on living their life... their very fullest, most awesome life.

My last post was on August 13th, a date that my dear Jason and his family will never forget.  It was the day that Jas lost his brother.  His mom lost her son.  The day that changed many people's lives forever.  The day, more sadly, when Dale's life was taken much too soon.

The phone call came at 12:30 in the morning.  Jason and I had just cozied into each other for the night when his phone started vibrating.  The gut instinctively prepares the mind when something is wrong.  It's crazy how our instincts work that way.  However, those instincts could never have fully prepared us for the words on the other end on the phone.

'Dale's dead.'

As I watched pure shock come over Jason while we gathered a few more ~ albeit emotionally scattered ~ details, I knew that the most awful grief a person could go through had just taken up residence in my sweet Jason and his family.  How do you deal with the shock and relentless sadness that comes from a loved one passing much too soon?  Even worse, being murdered.  As the hours continued, there were multitudes of phone conversations followed by extensive searches for online news articles which, to our surprise, were already starting to post online.  The tragicness of it all brought nationwide attention, with morning and evening national news stations airing coverage for days.

Enormous amounts of hugs and tears, love and sorrow, kisses and breakdowns followed.  The entire night was a blur of emotions.  There is this added layer of grief that politely introduces itself when a loved one's life has been taken so viciously by another human being.  When the loss is so cruel.  So senseless.

There are moments in our lives when everything else becomes so unimportant.  Everything except for the well-being of those that we love.  Nothing else matters except making sure that they are taken care of.  The following day on our flight to Edmonton, Canada {where Dale had spent the last 15 years of his life} I had anticipated on starting the thank you notes to our amazing friends who had already begun their supportive deeds.  Instead, I planned for everything.  Writing notes of what we needed to do once we arrived into Edmonton.  Making notes of upcoming flights that still needed booked, formulating ideas on how to re-introduce Jason back into life and friendships once we return to Houston, jotting down a list of Dale's belongings to pack and bring with us to St. Johns, Newfoundland {Dale's hometown and subsequent place of burial}.  Mostly, I tried to prepare myself for all of the pain and horror ahead of us so that I could best be there for my wonderful man and his family.  No preparation could have been enough though.  The numbness, sadness and overwhelming grief came at a level about 20 times what we had envisioned.  It was pure shock.

Shortly after arriving into Edmonton, we headed down to the memorial {and the crime scene} for Dale.  As our ride was getting closer to the restaurant where it all had occurred, an eery feeling came over us.  The area was so quaint.  Even a little posh.  The streets were quiet.  The restaurant gorgeous.  It became even more incomprehensible that Dale had been shot here... in the middle of broad daylight.

{Jason and his brother, Stephen, at Dale's memorial site in Edmonton.}

{I have been debating ~ over and over and over with myself ~ whether or not to include any details of Dale's death in this post and have decided that a brief synopsis is necessary in order for us to take something so terrible and make a genuine difference in Dale's memory.  So, here it goes.}

Dale and his girlfriend decided to go out to eat for a late lunch at the upscale 'Joey's Restaurant'.  As they were walking down the sidewalk towards the restaurant, three men began saying inappropriate remarks to Dale's girlfriend.  Standing up for her, he exchanged a couple of words with the men.  Upon the men asking Dale if he wanted to 'take it out back', he declined and entered the restaurant with his girl to have a nice long lunch.  Wrapping up their meal an hour and a half later, they exited Joey's and hopped into his vehicle which was parked in the rear parking lot.  As he was leaving, two of the men walked up and attempted to open his vehicle's door.  So Dale stopped the vehicle, got out, and asked them if they were going to follow him and his girlfriend all day.  A verbal argument followed.  Seeing that it was beginning to get heated, his girlfriend hopped into the driver's seat and pulled around, encouraging Dale to hop in.  As Dale went to leave the argument, he saw one of the men draw a gun from his back.  He turned to run for his vehicle.  They shot him... while he was running away.  Multiple times.  And to make it even more viscous, more cruel to Dale, and creating unbearable images for Jason's family... after he had fallen to the ground they walked up, stood over Dale, and continued to shoot him a few more times.  Point blank.  No regard for the human life.  No conscience.

Dale was a total stranger to these men.  He was a young, vibrant 33-yr-old man taking his girl out to a nice lunch.  Sense will probably never be made as to why Dale had to die that day.  Why total strangers would have so much hate running through their veins that they would take a complete stranger's life in such a horrific fashion... NO... why total strangers would have so much evil in them that they would wait for a hour and a half and then take a total stranger's life.  Why??  To prove a point?  We may never know.  And it really doesn't matter, because knowing will never bring Dale back.  It won't give him the opportunity to get married and have kids.  To live a long and happy life.  To experience more holidays and family gatherings.  To see this beautiful world.  To celebrate any more birthdays.

Today would have been Dale's 34th.

So, in your honor and on your birthday Dale, we are sending your 'gift' to the Canadian Kids Helpline. Because while most families would spend their energy in anger ~ angry at the act, angry at the men, angry at the detectives, angry at life ~ I've seen Jason's amazing family remembering and grieving for Dale, yes, but also wanting to help and to understand what happened in those guys' lives to make them such cold murderers.  People are not born criminals.  So what evokes that behavior in them?  And how can we help more people and prevent any future families from losing a loved one?

{Jason's wonderful family}

We can start by doing something, anything, that gives back... that helps someone.  And then we can encourage others to join in on the awesomeness of helping others as well... 'paying it forward' if you will.  In this roller coaster we call life, I've had some very amazing people who were selflessly there for me at just the right time and, without them, who knows where I would have ended up.  Big gestures... like my boss and pseudo-mom throughout high school, Brenda, paying my school fees so that I could graduate high school when I could not afford them because I was living on my own.  Or smaller {yet even more meaningful gestures}... like my best friend, Shawna, whom I thought had overslept for work one day but had actually called in so that she could stay home with me during one of my darkest days ever.  It isn't the size of the gesture, nor the monetary amount that matters to someone in need... it's showing them that someone cares about them.  It reminds me of something Mother Teresa once said:

'We think sometimes that poverty is only being hungry, naked and homeless.  The poverty of being unwanted, unloved and uncared for is the greatest poverty.'

Who has ever looked at a baby and seen evil?  No one, ever.  Although I very strongly feel that we are responsible for our own lives and destiny, some acts so sadly mold children into angry and unadjusted adults. Molestation, abuse, alcoholism, extremely poor parenting, too many easily accessible bad influences and too few and difficult to access good influences.  So how do we create a better world?  We start with one person. If we are doing nothing because we cannot help everyone, then help just one.  Because the lives that we may change by helping that one person are endless.  I can't help but think that if someone had been there for those young men, that Dale might still be with us today.  We cannot go back in time and change what has been done, but we try to look forward and help change the lives of those in need.  I'm sure that Dale would want nothing more for his birthday than to see a difference being made in his memory.

{I accept inspiration in every way that it appears.  My last two cups of tea read,
'You will feel fulfilled when you do the impossible for someone else.'
and
'You must know that you can swim through every tide and change of time.'}

That was the thing about Dale, he was as generous as they come.  Someone left the following on the comment thread of a news article from Edmonton:

'Dale was my neighbor and had been for years.  We weren't friends and didn't hang out together.  We just talked from time to time.  All I know about Dale is what I saw myself.  Every Halloween he made sure he was home to give out candy to the kids even though I would have been out at some party at that age.  He would stop traffic and load my mother into his vehicle because he thought her bags were too heavy for her to be carrying.  If he saw her taking out the garbage he would run up to her and take it from hands and carry it the rest of the way.  He spent hours talking to me about his mom with a sweet smile on his face as he dug up my backyard and laid cement blocks down so my kids' pool wasn't slanted.  That's just the way Dale was.'

Love this.  We need a lot more people like Dale in this world.

So I figure, if Dale can't be here to continue helping others, then how about learning from his incredible examples and continue his efforts in creating a better and happier world... ONE person at a time.  I can't help but think how amazing would it be if a hundred ~ or a thousand ~ people helped just one person.  My bet is after feeling the effects of helping ~ and I mean really helping ~ just one person, that we will all go on to help many many more.  And the lives changed will be countless.  Now that's my kind of math.

Although the mourning process is still in full force {and probably will be for a very long time}, I guess that we just have to focus on living a meaningful life in memory of Dale.  His presence is felt almost all of the time. And in case you aren't feeling it... he'll remind ya!  One day two weeks ago I decided to turn on the radio in the house, which I hadn't had on for quite a while... then decided to immediately change the station {which I hadn't done for probably 6 months}... and Dale's favorite song was on!  Coincidence?  Maybe.  But the next three times that I turned on the living room radio and the next two times that I got in my car, his song was on every time.  And not just 'on', it was the very start of the song... the very first note.

{Happy Birthday Dale.  We miss you every day.}

So, I know that you are here Dale... helping us, hugging us, enlightening us, showing us the path... and you are being heard.  We promise that we'll continue to do your good deeds for ya... forever.


Love you always,

Joanna {Just a girl learning every day from your heroism, Dale}

Even For a Good Striptease...

Always be in the moment.  Ok ok... Especially for a good striptease!

So, my weekend with the middle sis has turned into a SUPERsized sister weekend!  Big sis Heather joined too! They COMPLETELY SURPRISED ME with a sisters' weekend!!!  It has been awesome and we've been doing everything that sisters do.  Borrowing clothes, talking relationships, testing each other's beauty secrets, and going to see... Magic Mike!

{Click on the red link for a nice little start to your Monday morning}

Magic Mike Clip!

{Photo from buzzsugar.com}

I had no idea what Magic Mike was even about but had gathered ~ from facebook! ~ that it must include a lot of shirtless men.  I had NO idea that it also included lots of BVDless men too!  Shewww... Good thing that I've got my own uber sexy Channing right here at home!  BUT, if any of my friends ~ ladies, gays, old {yes, I saw a few seniors in the theater yesterday... good to know that we don't lose our lust as we age!} ~ haven't seen it and just CAN'T go alone... I guess that I'll be just that good of a friend and accompany you to the show movie.

Since today is Heather's last day :( and Michele leaves tomorrow :( ... I'm going to make this super short so that I can 'be in the moment' with my sisters.  Because these are the very best times in life and I insanely love moments like these.

Until we chat Wednesday... let's all bow down in prayer.

Have a great day!  If you happen to get a case of the Monday's... just watch the above clip.  Over.  And Over. And Over.  And Over.  And....... You. Are. Welcome.

Much Love to You for Reading ~

Joanna  {Stripper Promoter and Hero to My Gay BFFs and Women of the World!}

The Rules of Secret Keeping...

#1 Always keep someone else's secrets.

Actually, there's something about knowing a friend's secret that feels a little exotic.  It's like, you know something that no one else in this world does, and you're gonna go to your grave with that supercool info.  Well, unless they're one of those friends who say 'Now promise that you won't tell anybody' ..... to everyone that they tell their dirty little 'secret' to.  But other than that, it feels really really great to be a trustworthy friend whom others often look to when in they find themselves in desperate pinky-swear need.

{Pinky Swear!  Image from flickerhivemind.net}

#2 Always SHARE your own secrets.

I read something once, loved it, and have tried to operate as such ever since.  Now, a good little blogger would recite it exactly and properly credit the author.  I, however, am no such blogger.  Unfortunately I cannot find the book but ~ when I do! ~ I will update this post and give props to the appropriate writer.  My interpretation went something like this...

Those who hold on tight to their ideas and choose not to share them with others actually are just limiting themselves.  By putting our best thoughts and ideas out into the universe it not only brings good karma {ok, I may have ad libbed that part... so true though}, but also forces us to continually be innovative and strategic... thereby helping us master our awesome abilities!

We all know that most of the time our first go at something usually isn't the best {hence the purpose of rough drafts, re-working the plan, etc}... So why would we hold on so freaking tight to an idea?  If we just kept coming up with ideas and throwing them {our 'rough drafts'} out into the universe for others to appreciate {or steal, whatever} then think of how absolutely amazing of an idea we would end up creating in the end!  I believe that the ability to be innovative is a trainable skill set.  So, if we continue to selfishly hold on to our best thoughts or ideas waiting for the perfect time to present them, then when will we ever get enough practice or training to actually be great?

Soooo.... Since I've been outta the work mode for a little while my secrets tend to be a little more on the domestic, medical and overall living awesomely side these days.  Oh, and full disclosure:  This post is a mix of partly written Monday and finished today... So, bear with me.  Sorry!

Secret #1

Super-Duper Flower Deals!

I'll admit it... I'm a total sucker for flowers.  I love them.  And never wait for anybody to buy them for me.  Always feel that if there are things that we love then we should surround ourselves with them... You know, those healthier happy pills!  I've had a few girlfriends who've wished and wished for florals from their men.  But I say, What would you do if you were single?  Sometimes we need a reminder that it's okay for us to actually do things for ourselves post the single status.  We don't need a parter to provide us with our 'happiness'... and it's not exactly their job to do so either!

Although Kroger is SO not my favorite grocery store {except for my 'other man'... check-out bagger Stephen... I adore him}, they have the best deals EVER on flowers!  Hear that guys?  Stop on your way home TODAY and get your girl some blooms!  Trust me... you'll thank me later.  Ladies... Don't think that your guy will read this/get this/do this?  Then go get yourself some pretties!

Different Kroger stores run their specials on different days but, here in Houston, I've found one that runs them EVERY day.  Oh yeah... and it's right down the road from my favorite Starbucks that we were chatting about here... how's that for convenient awesomeness!

When I was there last Wednesday I picked up FOUR DOZEN ROSES for only $9.98!  I know, CRAZY!  And they were really decent too!  I grabbed two dozen for me {which took up residence in the form of a tight, low bouquet on our coffee table... gorg!} and two dozen for a good friend.  There's nothing better than surprising a girlfriend with a some flowers, a card and... well... a bag of crushed ice.  {She's obsessed with it... I don't judge.  Her dentist might though.}

{My friend texted me this photo of the flowers that I brought her.  See... not shabby at all!} 

Secret #2

Half of all 'Health Food' is BS.

Unless it grows all by itself {fruit, veggies, etc}, you've gotta be careful.  Companies just LOVE to use 'half truth' marketing:

Low-Fat.  Yup, they're all over that.
Fat-Free.  HA!  That's their bread and butter!  They just love it when their scientists can find a recipe {errr, formula?} for the latest fat-free 'healthy' snack.
High in Fiber.  Yeah... ok... but what ELSE are you high in??

As I was wandering the aisles of my less than fave supermarket that day, I stopped to browse some morning cereal options in the 'health food aisle'.  You know, the aisle with everything in bulk available in any quantity you desire.  I LOVE that aisle!  SO fun!  Seriously... Like a kid in a candy store.

Looking at my kind of limited options {I wasn't at Central Market or... Whole Foods!}, I decided to have a closer look at the ingredients.  Check this out...

{Hmmmm... Are we seeing the same thing here?  I call suspect.}

'Low Fat Strawberry Granola'

2nd Ingredient:  Milled Cane Sugar
3rd Ingredient:  Molasses
4th Ingredient:  Cornstarch
6th Ingredient:  Fruit Juice Concentrate

Are you kidding me?!  Some busy, unsuspecting mother is gonna feed her family 'healthy'... So she skips the cereal aisle {and NO, I'm NOT saying that we may as well eat sugar-filled kid's cereal} and heads straight the the 'health food aisle'.  With two kids, one crying and the other one throwing everything in sight into the cart, there is no time to hone in on all of the ingredients listed in small font.  Instead, she quickly spots the Low Fat Strawberry Raspberry Granola and, well, it MUST be healthy.  She's getting her kiddos and recently diagnosed Type 2 hubby healthy again.  Low fat + strawberries + raspberries + granola = of course it's healthy!  Right??  

Well, in my book, all of those above ingredients  = UNhealthy.  So, what's a girl to do?  Make her own damn granola.  And I must say, SO freakin' easy it was.

{Several weeks worth of HEALTHY cereal.  I know, I know... Look out Bobby Flay.
I mean, mixing ingredients together is some pretty tough stuff.}

In a large bowl, mix all of the following well:

4 1/2 cups rolled oats
1/2 cup toasted wheat germ {I couldn't find pre-toasted, so I just bake mine for a few minutes}
1/2 cup wheat bran
1/2 cup oat bran
1 cup raisins
1/2 cup chopped walnuts
1/4 cup pack brown sugar {I know I know, but it's the only one}
1/2 cup raw sunflower seeds

So many changes and modifications can be made for an equally healthy yet 'yours-friendly' version.  I opted for chopped almonds instead of walnuts, did without the wheat bran and also cut down on the amount of brown sugar called for.

Just store it in an airtight container and it's good for two months.  I ate it with my soy milk, some fresh strawberries and blackberries, and it was one yummy breakfast!  Wanna know the best part?  SO cheap.  I bought most of the ingredients from the bulk section and just estimated how much I needed.   A little less than $2 in ingredients.  Yeah yeah... now that's some affordable health food!  Whatcha got now Whole Foods?  Told your little ass here that I'll keep our dates... but also find my alternative cheap dates too!

{Check out the prices of those bulk ingredient... Uber cheap!!!  And my Tampa Bear... 'Please let a crumb drop, please let a crumb drop...'}

Okay, so I can hear the total judgement now... Yeah, yeah... those are Mango Pina Colada scones in the background.  But, hey, it was the weekend!  Like I've always said... I'm a total work in progress... I love to bake!  AND... I only had one... okay okay... I had two!  But Tampa helped eat them so, really, it was only like one and a half of a scone.  So, I had one and a third and Jason had just one.  The rest got sent with him to hockey.  A little gift to the guys from his Russian bride.

So, I have always loved going to watch Jason play hockey.  And not because I'm this super amazing and supportive girlfriend {wait... Jas, are you reading?... just ignore that one... I totally am}.  It's because I find him playing hockey super HOT.  Mary, if you're reading this, I'm sorry.  But what can I say, your son is a total cutie!  Oh, and I'm also sorry for all of the cuss words.

Anyhoo, one night after one of the few games that I missed, the boys were engaging in a little locker room talk and one of them asked Jason where his Russian girlfriend was.  Russian?  ME?  Ummm... huh?  Apparently the team had thought that I was Russian all along.  What?  Was it all of the fur I donned and vodka I drank at the games?  No, that didn't sound like me.  Wait... they don't think that Jason ordered me do they?!  Crap.

Secret #3

My Sis is Coming to Visit... And I've got LOTs of Shit to Do!

{Me and my sis in Surfer's Paradise when she came to visit me in Australia.  Pose much?}

Ok, so I know that today's post was perhaps a little {ok WAY} on the lame side.  And I'm oh so sorry.  Between my typical every-other-day-doctor's-appointments and a work prospect meeting tonight {a friend who is uber-successfully self-employed wants to hire me to write their blog... how fun!  I'll try to leave out all of the cuss words on theirs.  Now... Dear hands:  please keep working, please keep working, please keep working!} I've also got a TON of stuff to do around the house this week.  My sister is coming to visit in a couple of days and it's our first out-of-town house guests since Jas and I moved in together.  Now, I've always been the type of gal to have everything moved in, unpacked and decorated the first damn day.  BUT, things were a little different when I moved in with Jason.  First, I MOVED IN.  Hmmm... So how do I set all of my stuff up without all of your shit ending up on the front lawn.  Hmmm... this is gonna be tough.  Especially when the house is super modern and I'm, well, not.  Oh!  And then there's the little issue of me breaking my spine literally the DAY that I moved in with Jas.  Yeah, that kinda put a damper on the moving and decorating.

Jason was in Singapore when I finished moving my things into the bachelor pad two days before Thanksgiving.  {And, not to worry, he had ASKED me to move in.  This wasn't a sneak attack while he was outta the country!}  I had just finished and was running out of the house for work the day that Jason was flying home.  Well, don't try to take three flights of wooden stairs running a 5 minute mile while you're wearing hose.  Yeah... caught some air with that one!  Two transverse process fractures in my lower spine.  Oops!  Welcome home honey!  Sweet guy.  After crashing in hotel rooms and flying a million hours all you wanna do is snuggle into your own bed.  Not Jas.  He slept with me on the couch every night {because the bed was way too soft, and therefore painful, for me to sleep in... but not his hard ass couch!} in case that I woke up and needed something.  Awwww... yes... Best guy ever.  Anyhoo... The next several months meant that I would be living in, well, a bachelor pad!  Now, don't get me wrong, he actually had a really good looking place!  I give major props to him for his decorating.  The furniture is really nice... and it even matches.  A little modern for my taste {low profile modern} but it has really grown on me.  However, the oversized picture in the entry that read 'Life Needs More Green Lights'... Yeah, that shit's gotta GO.  So, enter the perfect reason to finally get things set up and looking good.  Company coming to stay!  Thank you Sis!

{Sis and I at the Three Sisters in the Blue Mountains.  Ya, I'm thinking that her visit to Houston is gonna be
this kinda low-key version of us.  Although she has requested one night out...
Hmmm... could get interesting.}

That being said, this girl's got A LOT of stuff to do in the next couple of days and therefore has to keep this post as is... which means a little lame.  So... sorry!  I'll try to make up for it another time!

Chat Again Soon ~

Joanna {Where's my paintbrush... wait... still gotta pick the color!  Hero-in-the-making}

Exhaustion...

The devil that's keeping me from writing today's post.  I thought that the nice, strong 3.5 hour nap I just had would do the trick.  Nope.  Soooo completely, very, extremely, uber, crazily tired.

Chat Monday ~

Joanna {super-duper-sorry and sleepy hero-in-da-making}

Ok, So I WOULD Prefer to Wipe My Ass...

And I'm pretty sure that my big sis would side with me on that one.  Remind me to tell you about the time that Tampa Bear tried to sit on her lap, ended up sitting on her chest, and left a nice little big poo streak on her white blouse.  Oops!  Yeah, that was some funny shit. {Pun intended... Mr. Obvious}  Sorry Aunt Heather!

{How could anyone stay mad at THAT face?!  Good thing Aunt Heather has a fun sense of humor!}

But other than enjoying the option to live 'streak-free'... I think that living my 'best life' would greatly mirror my doggie's lifestyle.  And I mean more that just playing ball ALL DAY.  If you've ever seen me catch a baseball, then you know just how unfulfilling that 'play day' would be for me.  But before we get into livin' the life doggie-style {get your head outta the gutter!!!}, let's digress...

Yesterday was One. Crappy. Day.  Strange how most days are pretty darn tolerable and then one day, outta nowhere, WHACK.  You wake up and feel like both Tyson and Holyfield went at you.  Kinda like when you were younger and two of your brothers held you down and the third one beat the crap out of ya.  No?  You don't know what I mean?  I'm the only one?  Oh yeahhhhh, I remember now... it was 'for my own good'... made me 'tough'.  That was it... right Shannon?

So, since every bone in my body hurt like hell and every muscle felt too weak to move, I dragged my ass downstairs and spent the whole damn day on the couch.  YUCK.  I know, I know... My working peeps are thinking, "Ungrateful bioootch... We would LOVE to spend a day in front of the tube."  However, you've gotta remember, I'm a pretty crappy 'chillaxer'.  Which means:  I was bored as crap, ended up with muchos neck pain and a headache from laying down too long, and felt guilty most of the time for, well, being so freakin' unproductive.  BUT, good did come from my day o' shame.  After a nice late afternoon/early evening nap, I awoke finally feeling much much better.  Just in time to hang with my guy, order some sinfully delicious food {because, well, ummm, didn't quite make it to the grocery yesterday}, and watch both the US Swim Team and Gymnast Team deliver some fine ass performances.  How can Phelps' smile not put a smile on your face?  So stinkin' cute.

Since my cabin-fever hit an all-time high, I decided that today would be a dawn 'til dusk, outta the house, get my groove-on kinda day!  Where does a the cape fly on such a day??  First stop...  Starbucks!  Confession: I LOVE STARBUCKS.  And I mean L-O-V-E.  It makes me SO happy.  And since there's like 457,000 of them in Houston, I'm pretty choosy on my location too.  My must-have list:

Lots of big windows.  Sunlight = Joy Joy Joy!

Lots of good tables.  Room to spread out = Productive Jo!

Friendly Crew.  Fun Workers = Good Ass Vibe!

Great Spot.  Convenient Location = Less Houston Traffic Jams!

Awesome Clientele.  Occasional 'Work Breaks' = Need for Some Gooood People Watchin'!!!

I found my super-duper all-time favorite location earlier this year.  The one on West Gray.  NOT the Starbucks wannabe 'We serve Starbucks drinks but are actually NOT a Starbucks' {what the??} inside of Barnes and Noble. And NOT the stand-alone Starbucks next door to Barnes and Noble {you know, the HUGE one with only like 3 parking spaces}.  No no.  The one ACROSS from the Barnes and Noble. {Like I said, we have at least 496,000 of them... and counting... obviously at the speed of light.} That's the one!  My all-time fave.  It's SO good I've actually made friends here before!  {Yup, I'm here right now.}  Ok ok, it could be, perhaps, because at one time I was here ALL of the time!  But whatever.  Warmhearted new friends are warmhearted new friends... even if you met each other at your mutual 'home office'.

As the Zzzzzz's were come on last night I decided that I would hop into the shower and outta the house as soon as I awoke this morning.  I know I know, I'm really pissing my working friends off.  I can hear 'em now, "WHAT?!  You don't shower or have to hurry outta the house EVERY morning?!"  Nope.  Heck, most days I don't even head for the shower until I get that awesome text or call from Jas letting me know that he's homebound... Yay!!!  And, truth be told, some even consist of just a face wash and teeth brushing... or maybe a whore bath if I'm feeling extra motivated.  I know I know.  I've said it before and I'll say it again... Jason is One Lucky Man.  But, since yesterday consisted of a mediocre face and teeth cleaning {at best}, I figured that my fellow Starbucks goers would appreciate a full-on proper cleaning today.

Tampa Bear {my super-dog} is one really really uber smart dog.  And I'm not just saying that because I'm one proud momma.  He actually IS one of the smartest dogs.  German Shepherds are ranked 3rd in intelligence of all dogs.  The only smarter 4-legged furballs are Border Collies and Poodles, both equally lame.  Kidding.  Just prefer the size and outgoingness of my HUGE ball of fur!  It really is incredible how smart they are.  Tampa doesn't require 'commands'.  You can just talk to him the same as you would a person {an intelligent one, at least}, in full sentences, and he understands the key words within that sentence.  It's really pretty cool.  The average dog is capable of knowing 165 words and 'super dogs' {those in the top 20% of dog intelligence} can learn 250 words!  Like I said.  One smart cookie.

Considering how much they understand of our verbal communications, clearly they interpret our body language and action 'clues' more than we probably even realize.  They can read us like an open book.  {And not the '50 Shades of Grey' kind of stuff... put them outta the room for that kind of body language!  Silly, sick freak!}  More like things such as that dreadful suitcase.  Even if they haven't seen it in awhile, just pulling it out is enough to bring back such lonely memories and ensue an evening of sulking... knowing that their momma is gonna 'leave' them for a bit.  Breaks. My. Heart.  Or hopping in the shower.  You see, Tampa has gotten quite accustomed to his {dirty} momma hanging out at home with him, so a 'straight to the shower' morning definitely brings on a depressed pooch.  Normally, Tampa is one to roll you the ball over and over and OVER before you even get a chance to throw on some morning duds but today he just laid, mopingly, on the bedroom floor.  You know, that 'Woe is me, I'm just sooooo sad, my life is OVER!' kinda lay.  Actually... it's worse than that.  He just stares at you with those mopey eyes... and they follow you everywhere... so sad... just can't take those eyes off his momma because he knows that soon she'll be gone.

{Took this pic of Tampa a few years ago.  Putting on my tennis shoes one morning,

he got ALL psyched to go for a run... Until I explained to him

that momma wasn't going for a run.  This is what I got.}

Thirty minutes later {total lie... more like forty-five... at least!}... hey... it takes a while to scrub two days of dirt off of ya!  I am SO lucky that Jason is a patient man.  Although he tells me that I really don't take long at all, going from friends of my past, I DO and Jason's either being kind or he's had some serious divas in his past.  No really though, I'm not high-maintenance... Just actually enjoy the girly process of getting ready.  Most of my time goes to lathering and lotioning vs primping.  I always felt if we spent our moola on good skincare products, then we wouldn't need big, expensive, over-the-top make-up.  Heck, most of my stuff comes from good ol' Walgreens.  Although, the older I get, the more that theory is being tested!  Grrrrrr!

Anyhoo... forty-five {ok ok!  fifty-two!!  geesh, stop calling me out!} minutes later I grab my bag to head out. The tiny, muffled sound of my jingling keys buried inside of today's bag was enough to transform Tampa into the World's Happiest Most Excited High-Jumper Fifteen-Time-Gold Olympic Dog!!!  {Really, you should see his vertical when he's excited... it's kinda insane.}  Funny how he swapped all of his 'depression' for 'hope' in a hot minute as soon as he heard those keys.  You see, dogs carry this unwarranted hope with them all of the time.  Even though he knows he typically never goes with me {for many reasons... and I do know... so sad... but sometimes a momma's gotta do what's best... even if it breaks her heart}, he still gets SO excited that there is this super small, 1% chance that TODAY will be the day!  Either that or he's crazy excited that we're leaving and he has the house all to himself... Ahhhh... 'I'm on Jason's couch!  Na na na na Boo boo!'  Yeah, that's probably what it is.

Dog Lifestyle Lesson #1

Live with 'That Bitch is Crazy', Unrelenting, Annoying, 

'I Believe It, I Believe It, I Believe It' HOPE!

Why should we really care what anyone else believes is possible of us?  Why should we limit ourselves with 'statistics' or 'odds' or 'chances'?  Heck, if we're gonna confine ourselves within a smothering statistical box, why not be the 7% of pure awesomeness?!  You know, the ones who succeeded against all odds {or, well, 93%ish odds}.  Even if we get let down at the end of the day, wasn't that day full of hope, excitement and happiness totally worth it?  Would we really ever prefer to go back on such a great day and change it to total misery?  I don't think so!  Why not just live every freakin' day believing that it's gonna be the BEST DAY EVER!

{Took this the day that I adopted Tampa Bear.  That was MY Most Favorite Day Ever!}

Dog Lifestyle Lesson #2

Greet Our Loved Ones Like We Haven't 

Seen Them in Five Freakin' Years. 

That is probably what I find so fascinating in dogs.  It doesn't matter if you've been gone for 5 minutes or 5 days... the 'Welcome home!  I've missed you soooooo much!  I wuvvvvv youuuuu!' is the same every time.  It's over the top, uncalled for, extremeness at it's finest {a lot like my gay friends now that I think about it} flattery and love.  {No wonder I surround myself with dogs and gays... total ego boost!}  Just the kind of flattery and love that WE should show A LOT more of.  Although Jason and I are the huggy and kissy kind of people ~ with such warm and fuzziness occurring soon after he walks in the door ~ it's nothing like the smiling from ear-to-ear, tail wagging 'OMGOSH!  YAY!!! YOU'RE HOME!  MY LIFE IS GREAT AGAIN!!!' kind of love that you typically only get from the soul of a dog, life's most unselfish and loving creature.  Well, step aside Tampa... Momma's got this one tonight.  

Jas:  You may wanna throw on some of your hockey gear as you pass by it in the garage.  Oh yeah... it's gonna be a full-on race to the door.  I'm talking a total jump on, tackle, take 'em down kind of greeting!

{Ahhhh... love a good strong hug.  That kind filled with excited love... or inebriation.}

{Me and Jas on 'Kids' Night Out with his fam in St. John's.}

Dog Lifestyle Lesson #3

Forgive.  And Quickly.

A dog's capacity for forgiveness is remarkable.  Sometimes I feel like we really don't deserve their love.  And then I realize, that we do... because they are so much wiser... and understand that we all make mistakes and deserve a little forgiveness and love.  Yesterday, I snapped at my poor Tampa Bear.  I know, not my finest hour.  I felt really bad and apologized to him.  And he forgave me... right away.  I mean within a second.  No 'lemme think about it, lemme stew on it, lemme make sure that you understand just how bad you made me feel'.  No no... none of that selfish crap.  See, that's just how mature and wise dogs really are.  Why waste a minute of their life holding onto anger and grudges when that precious time can be spent smiling and loving?  

They realize such childish {errr, puppyish?} behavior would actually just harm them more anyway.  And they're way too smart for that.  They also have this amazing capacity to love unconditionally.  And, just as they hope that we forgive them quickly when they have accidents or make little doggie mistakes or bad decisions, they understand that our mistakes deserve such forgiveness too.  Which they are more than happy to supply us with and quickly follow it up with a big ol' 'We're all good... Let's hug it out!' 

{Jason's sister, Tina, and her uber-cool dog, Marshall.  He actually donated blood
just the other day to save a buddy's life.  Super-Dog!
And I'm betting that he forgave the Big Bad Wolf... aka Vet with the ouchy-inducing needles...
as soon as it was over.  Lots and lots of ice cream for Marchall!
Aunt Jo is gonna give you the BEST Christmas Presents EVER!}

Dog Lifestyle Lesson #4

Play.  And Play Hard!

Life is SO meant to be a fun adventure.  I don't think that even MY rambling ass could list all of the cool, fun stuff there is for us to do in this awesomeness we call life.  Yet, we do mostly the same stuff today that we did yesterday.  And last week.  And last year.  Now, don't get me wrong, parts of our routine or frequent pit stops on this highway of life are there because we love them, have recognized the pleasure that they bring us and therefore call on them daily.  Like my Starbucks.  Or BUC-EE'S!!!  Those of you in Texas understand such excitement for Buc-ee's... otherwise known as a truck stop {gas station?  fuel mall??}.  It is just one badass place.  LOVE it.  Must stop there EVERY TIME that I head to Austin or San Antonio. Even if those beaver nuggets make me sick... I must have them!

{My good friend, Chip, and me taken on a road trip pit-stop into Buc-ee's!!!}

But even though some of our daily routine stems from experiences that have proven to enhance our 'happy factor', as least some of the time, the routine consists of a going-through-the-motions, all too familiar form of just existing... not really LIVING.  I think that the most endorphin-rushing form of living is when we're doing something either completely new or that we've always wanted to do or that is truly no-doubt-about-it one of our most all-time favorite things ever!  Now THOSE are the best times of our lives!  So why not sprinkle {screw that... douse!} this awesome experience, otherwise known as life, with some of those crazy fun elements.  If we already know all of the super-fun things that we love to do... Awesome!  We just have to go do it!  If not, even better!  Then we can go try a bunch of different fun stuff and figure it out along the way!  How awesome is THAT gonna be!

{Five finger lifted from Eric Turner on Facebook... Gracias!}

So, as a 'Thank You' for not only being the World's Best Dog, but also for teaching me most everything that I need to know about life, I think that we'll treat our Tampa Bear to a super fun night out on the town!

Tennis balls + doggy park + beers {for momma!} + lots and lots of running and stuff to sniff = The Best Night EVER!

YAY!!!  Hope that yours is equally awesome!  As always, much love to you for reading.  Hey, so do you prefer the 'normal' sized photos that are normally on here... or the suped-up BIG ones from today?

Chat Friday!

Joanna  {Maybe My Hero Was in Front of Me All Along... Just a Few Feet Lower... 'Hero Searcher'}