I guess that the heart will lead the way for the fingers. For Dale. In his memory and in his honor. Knowing that he probably wants nothing more on his birthday than for everyone to go on living their life... their very fullest, most awesome life.
My last post was on August 13th, a date that my dear Jason and his family will never forget. It was the day that Jas lost his brother. His mom lost her son. The day that changed many people's lives forever. The day, more sadly, when Dale's life was taken much too soon.
The phone call came at 12:30 in the morning. Jason and I had just cozied into each other for the night when his phone started vibrating. The gut instinctively prepares the mind when something is wrong. It's crazy how our instincts work that way. However, those instincts could never have fully prepared us for the words on the other end on the phone.
'Dale's dead.'
As I watched pure shock come over Jason while we gathered a few more ~ albeit emotionally scattered ~ details, I knew that the most awful grief a person could go through had just taken up residence in my sweet Jason and his family. How do you deal with the shock and relentless sadness that comes from a loved one passing much too soon? Even worse, being murdered. As the hours continued, there were multitudes of phone conversations followed by extensive searches for online news articles which, to our surprise, were already starting to post online. The tragicness of it all brought nationwide attention, with morning and evening national news stations airing coverage for days.
Enormous amounts of hugs and tears, love and sorrow, kisses and breakdowns followed. The entire night was a blur of emotions. There is this added layer of grief that politely introduces itself when a loved one's life has been taken so viciously by another human being. When the loss is so cruel. So senseless.
There are moments in our lives when everything else becomes so unimportant. Everything except for the well-being of those that we love. Nothing else matters except making sure that they are taken care of. The following day on our flight to Edmonton, Canada {where Dale had spent the last 15 years of his life} I had anticipated on starting the thank you notes to our amazing friends who had already begun their supportive deeds. Instead, I planned for everything. Writing notes of what we needed to do once we arrived into Edmonton. Making notes of upcoming flights that still needed booked, formulating ideas on how to re-introduce Jason back into life and friendships once we return to Houston, jotting down a list of Dale's belongings to pack and bring with us to St. Johns, Newfoundland {Dale's hometown and subsequent place of burial}. Mostly, I tried to prepare myself for all of the pain and horror ahead of us so that I could best be there for my wonderful man and his family. No preparation could have been enough though. The numbness, sadness and overwhelming grief came at a level about 20 times what we had envisioned. It was pure shock.
Shortly after arriving into Edmonton, we headed down to the memorial {and the crime scene} for Dale. As our ride was getting closer to the restaurant where it all had occurred, an eery feeling came over us. The area was so quaint. Even a little posh. The streets were quiet. The restaurant gorgeous. It became even more incomprehensible that Dale had been shot here... in the middle of broad daylight.
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| {Jason and his brother, Stephen, at Dale's memorial site in Edmonton.} |
{I have been debating ~ over and over and over with myself ~ whether or not to include any details of Dale's death in this post and have decided that a brief synopsis is necessary in order for us to take something so terrible and make a genuine difference in Dale's memory. So, here it goes.}
Dale and his girlfriend decided to go out to eat for a late lunch at the upscale 'Joey's Restaurant'. As they were walking down the sidewalk towards the restaurant, three men began saying inappropriate remarks to Dale's girlfriend. Standing up for her, he exchanged a couple of words with the men. Upon the men asking Dale if he wanted to 'take it out back', he declined and entered the restaurant with his girl to have a nice long lunch. Wrapping up their meal an hour and a half later, they exited Joey's and hopped into his vehicle which was parked in the rear parking lot. As he was leaving, two of the men walked up and attempted to open his vehicle's door. So Dale stopped the vehicle, got out, and asked them if they were going to follow him and his girlfriend all day. A verbal argument followed. Seeing that it was beginning to get heated, his girlfriend hopped into the driver's seat and pulled around, encouraging Dale to hop in. As Dale went to leave the argument, he saw one of the men draw a gun from his back. He turned to run for his vehicle. They shot him... while he was running away. Multiple times. And to make it even more viscous, more cruel to Dale, and creating unbearable images for Jason's family... after he had fallen to the ground they walked up, stood over Dale, and continued to shoot him a few more times. Point blank. No regard for the human life. No conscience.
Dale was a total stranger to these men. He was a young, vibrant 33-yr-old man taking his girl out to a nice lunch. Sense will probably never be made as to why Dale had to die that day. Why total strangers would have so much hate running through their veins that they would take a complete stranger's life in such a horrific fashion... NO... why total strangers would have so much evil in them that they would wait for a hour and a half and then take a total stranger's life. Why?? To prove a point? We may never know. And it really doesn't matter, because knowing will never bring Dale back. It won't give him the opportunity to get married and have kids. To live a long and happy life. To experience more holidays and family gatherings. To see this beautiful world. To celebrate any more birthdays.
Today would have been Dale's 34th.
So, in your honor and on your birthday Dale, we are sending your 'gift' to the Canadian Kids Helpline. Because while most families would spend their energy in anger ~ angry at the act, angry at the men, angry at the detectives, angry at life ~ I've seen Jason's amazing family remembering and grieving for Dale, yes, but also wanting to help and to understand what happened in those guys' lives to make them such cold murderers. People are not born criminals. So what evokes that behavior in them? And how can we help more people and prevent any future families from losing a loved one?
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| {Jason's wonderful family} |
We can start by doing something, anything, that gives back... that helps someone. And then we can encourage others to join in on the awesomeness of helping others as well... 'paying it forward' if you will. In this roller coaster we call life, I've had some very amazing people who were selflessly there for me at just the right time and, without them, who knows where I would have ended up. Big gestures... like my boss and pseudo-mom throughout high school, Brenda, paying my school fees so that I could graduate high school when I could not afford them because I was living on my own. Or smaller {yet even more meaningful gestures}... like my best friend, Shawna, whom I thought had overslept for work one day but had actually called in so that she could stay home with me during one of my darkest days ever. It isn't the size of the gesture, nor the monetary amount that matters to someone in need... it's showing them that someone cares about them. It reminds me of something Mother Teresa once said:
'We think sometimes that poverty is only being hungry, naked and homeless. The poverty of being unwanted, unloved and uncared for is the greatest poverty.'
Who has ever looked at a baby and seen evil? No one, ever. Although I very strongly feel that we are responsible for our own lives and destiny, some acts so sadly mold children into angry and unadjusted adults. Molestation, abuse, alcoholism, extremely poor parenting, too many easily accessible bad influences and too few and difficult to access good influences. So how do we create a better world? We start with one person. If we are doing nothing because we cannot help everyone, then help just one. Because the lives that we may change by helping that one person are endless. I can't help but think that if someone had been there for those young men, that Dale might still be with us today. We cannot go back in time and change what has been done, but we try to look forward and help change the lives of those in need. I'm sure that Dale would want nothing more for his birthday than to see a difference being made in his memory.
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| {I accept inspiration in every way that it appears. My last two cups of tea read, 'You will feel fulfilled when you do the impossible for someone else.' and 'You must know that you can swim through every tide and change of time.'} |
'Dale was my neighbor and had been for years. We weren't friends and didn't hang out together. We just talked from time to time. All I know about Dale is what I saw myself. Every Halloween he made sure he was home to give out candy to the kids even though I would have been out at some party at that age. He would stop traffic and load my mother into his vehicle because he thought her bags were too heavy for her to be carrying. If he saw her taking out the garbage he would run up to her and take it from hands and carry it the rest of the way. He spent hours talking to me about his mom with a sweet smile on his face as he dug up my backyard and laid cement blocks down so my kids' pool wasn't slanted. That's just the way Dale was.'
Love this. We need a lot more people like Dale in this world.
So I figure, if Dale can't be here to continue helping others, then how about learning from his incredible examples and continue his efforts in creating a better and happier world... ONE person at a time. I can't help but think how amazing would it be if a hundred ~ or a thousand ~ people helped just one person. My bet is after feeling the effects of helping ~ and I mean really helping ~ just one person, that we will all go on to help many many more. And the lives changed will be countless. Now that's my kind of math.
Although the mourning process is still in full force {and probably will be for a very long time}, I guess that we just have to focus on living a meaningful life in memory of Dale. His presence is felt almost all of the time. And in case you aren't feeling it... he'll remind ya! One day two weeks ago I decided to turn on the radio in the house, which I hadn't had on for quite a while... then decided to immediately change the station {which I hadn't done for probably 6 months}... and Dale's favorite song was on! Coincidence? Maybe. But the next three times that I turned on the living room radio and the next two times that I got in my car, his song was on every time. And not just 'on', it was the very start of the song... the very first note.
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| {Happy Birthday Dale. We miss you every day.} |
So, I know that you are here Dale... helping us, hugging us, enlightening us, showing us the path... and you are being heard. We promise that we'll continue to do your good deeds for ya... forever.
Love you always,
